Walking the Tightrope

Tax time is here.  For me that means a 4-month burst of activity in a season of busyness.  Oddly enough, I enjoy this time of year.  On the positive side, I get to reconnect with people I see only once a year.  It also helps the household bottom line.  On the negative side, I sit too long at the computer which I find spiritually draining, we eat out more often (maybe that should go on the positive side), I don’t exercise or see my friends often enough, but most importantly, I rarely make time to just “be.”

We are human beings and not human doings for a reason.  God created us to be…be with God, be with each other, be with ourselves and be in the beauty of all creation.  Eckhart Tolle, author of several books about living in presence and the power of being, teaches that the mandate, “Be still and know that I am God” is the entire wisdom of all religion.  My thought is that being still is the wisdom, root and fruit of spirituality, that which we find within ourselves and not in the rhetoric and traditions of religion. 

Finding true stillness is the most difficult spiritual practice I have ever attempted, whether on a yoga mat, on the beach, or in a worship service.  I found true stillness for the first time on my back porch during the twelve months of my cancer treatment.  It is a wonderful place to be, really be.  At first it seemed strange – just being.  I was so tired and sedated that it was easy to just sit.  “Being” soon became my favorite thing to “do.”  I made a list of things I did while I sat in the rocking chair through spring, summer, and on into fall. 

Consider, ponder

Watch the birds, imagine, feel a breeze, check the plants

Watch the venus fly trap, catch flies, feed the venus fly trap (presumably this was on a day when I was fairly well medicated)

Pray, read, visit

Watch the dog roll in the grass, watch my daughter play

Look for fireflies, smell the grill

Rock in my grandma’s chair, remember my grandma

Enjoy the changing trees, wonder

Feel the warmth of the heater

Mull, listen to the sounds of my husband’s newspaper

Close my eyes, just breathe, shed tears.

Stillness is immensely valuable. Opening space in my mind opened my soul.  I made time with my Creator and eventually found myself. The changes were subtle in the days, but profound in the months.  I discovered an ability to view the world with a sense of healthy detachment and a willingness to relinquish control. 

But tax time is here.  The challenge of accomplishing work well and on a timely basis is always at the forefront.  It is vital for the wellness of my whole being to live a season of balance, not a season of busyness.  It is a little like walking on a tightrope.  A steady balance is hard to maintain in the face of deadlines and competing interests.  

How can I believe that listening and stillness are essential to my soul and not make time for them?  I already have time marked on my calendar for exercise classes and lunch dates.  I even have a plan to play duets with a fellow musician!  However, I have not marked out time for practicing the art of being.  Perhaps that is what I should “do” today.

"Being spiritual has nothing to do with what you believe and everything to do with your state of consciousness."
— Eckhart Tolle